How do I put this? NO!

Dear OKCupid Guy:

Hi there.

I don't know if you noticed, but my relationship status has changed to "in a relationship." Not even in an "open relationship" or "looking for extra booty" or whatever.

No, it says that I'm in a relationship. and I'm looking for friends.

So, tell me, eejit, what part of "looking for friends" do you not understand?

Oh, and then there's that little chat session we had. You know, the one where you started out by being nice and saying "hi" and I said, "oh, hullo" and then we talked and then you wanted to know if I was looking for something "more."

Dude.

If I were looking for something "more", I wouldn't be "in a relationship." I'd be "looking for something more." Is this difficult for you?

Oh, and for you to keep pressing the issue? You know, asking me if I'm being "satisfied" and if I was "sure" I was happy.

I tell you what. Right now, this very instant, I'm getting very UNhappy. Because you're being a jerkwad.

Don't come on to me. Don't tell me that you'd (insert sexual activity here) me. Don't get all mean when I gently tell you that I'm with the guy I Love with all my heart and I'm really looking for friends only.

Just like it says on my profile, you know?

*sigh*

But then again, at least you weren't like the Other Guy who sent me an email that was so disgusting and disrespectful, I reported it. That email scared me. It was mean. It was unasked for. I felt like I was unsafe and I'm just sitting here, reading this email and wanting to throw up.

My Awesome Guy was most not happy but he knows I'm a Big Girl and can take care of myself and I did.

But you...wanting to get into my pants or whatever. Please. If you're wondering why you're single, let me help you.

You don't respect boundaries. You don't talk to a woman like she's a person. You won't take responsibility for your piggish behavior.

This, my friend, will definitely ensure your bachelorhood for some time.

I hope you like your hand a lot.

It's going to be your best friend along with Mr. Lotion for quite some time.


No Love,


K.