So this is what it feels like? Bleagh.

I tried today to eat like I would if I were dieting. Or watching my caloric intake.

I have decided that I'd rather be happy and eat what I like and go for walks than sit there and eat these portions that are fit for small birds.

I have also decided that the real reason some people who are super skinny are in such a bad mood most of the time is because they're *starving*. Seriously, how in the HELL can you concentrate when your body is saying, 'look. Just put a goddamn cheeseburger into me, would ya? Or a shake. Just one freaking shake.'

And they're going, 'noooo...because if I don't watch my weight, I'm going to be undesireable and called fattie and I won't ever be able to wear a bikini or something like that ever and I will just die of shame.'

Wow. No wonder these people walk around with either a half glazed look on their face or else a grump that would impress Eeyore.

Granted, I'd like to be as thin as I was about four years ago. I'm not. I've seen pictures of myself when I was in my early twenties and I could cry. But I won't.

See, the thing is, I'm fed up. (no pun intended) I'm fed up with these airbrushed photos of women. I'm fed up of the way people are made to feel when they get old. I'm fed up with how society shoves aside our elders and instead fixates on the young, the shallow, and the physically attractive.

Seriously?

I've mouthed this before but this time, I mean it. I'm OK with getting wrinkles. I'm OK that I am not super thin. I'm OK that I have grey in my hair and that I'm beginning to show some signs of aging. Yeah, I do grimace a bit from time to time and I have been known to examine myself in a mirror to see exactly where those lines are forming but overall, I remind myself that I am buying into what the media wants me to believe and I am so against that.

My Awesome Guy Loves me for me. He doesn't care that I don't look like I did four years ago. My sons Love me for me. My friends and Chosen Family Love me for me. It's true, you know...the people who really matter don't give a rat's ass if you fit into a size 2 or a size 24...they Love YOU.

So this was a grand experiment today. I will eat healthy, yes. But I'm not going to starve myself to be "thin." I want to be the role model my sons emulate and more importantly, I want to be the kind of woman they want their future mate to be like: someone who is comfortable in her own skin, no matter what her age or weight.

I am going to still go on walks and I think I'll do some Wii fit because it's good to be toned and healthy to encourage longevity...I want to be around here for a while. But to do all of that and starve myself so that I can look like every other miserable woman who bought into the Bullshit?

No, thanks. I'll pass.

But pass me that cheeseburger, please. And some fries on the side.

It's good to be me.



K.