A Rose is a Rose except....

I tweeted a thought last night and also put it in my Facebook status cos I thought it was interesting.

This is what I tweeted, and of course, cos it's Twitter, I had to do two tweets.

"Here's an experiment: substitute the word 'black' for 'gay': 'Black people are going to hell.' 'Black people shouldn't get married.' Hmmmm...' and my second tweet:

"Outraged?? Of course! Then why aren't you when it's 'gay?' You, my friend, are a homophobe if you say it isn't the same thing, period."


I received some interesting responses.

Here's the thing, lads. I have learned in my Sociology class that it's what people DO that has to be changed, not who they ARE. If people don't like the way things are *done*, then change the laws so that it's NOT OK to do those things.

I agree. One of my readers posted that if I label someone a homophobe or a racist or a bigot, then I'm prejudiced. And that's absolutely correct. I have never stated that I am free of prejudice. I wish. The truth of the matter is that we, as human beings, are all prejudiced creatures. It's part of who we are and for anyone to say, "How DARE you??" I say, "Oh, really??" and point to my friend's response.

When the Civil Rights Movement really got going in the sixties, it succeeded because people changed the law, the way of DOING things. It doesn't do a whole lot of good to tell someone, 'you're racist.' That's like saying, 'the sky is blue' or 'the sun shines during the day.' What's the point? That's obvious.

So instead of trying to change *people*, the laws got changed and....well, a funny thing happened on the way to the forum...

Slowly, *people* began to change their minds. Not everyone, of course, because it's much more comforting to hold onto old biases/prejudices than to kick them out the door. But over time, more and more people decided that it really wasn't cool to be racist...or at least, overtly so.

I am not saying that racism doesn't exist, oh, hello, please. What I *am* saying is the way to change the things that are unjust and unequal are not to label people as homophobes or racists....but to change the laws to make the behavior not OK, and given some time....well, people are people. *wry smile*

So, OK, you say, but didn't you say someone was a homophobe?

Why, yes....yes, I did....but FIRST, I called that person on *what they do*. Let's try this again.

'Blacks are going to hell.' 'Blacks shouldn't marry.' 'Blacks shouldn't have the same equal protection as (well, whomever).' This is what people used to DO. And now, that's unacceptable to most of the mainstream population (thank goodness).

OK, so let's put back in the word, 'gay.'

'Gays are going to hell.' 'Gays shouldn't marry'. 'Gays shouldn't have the same equal protection as (well, whomever).' This is what people do NOW. And through their *actions*, they are homophobes.

Now, with that being said, does being a homophobe mean you're an evil, wicked, nasty person? No. It does not. What it means is that it's difficult for these people to see gay people or, let's be all inclusive, GLBTQ people as equal to themselves, regardless of race. They're not comfortable with the idea, the action of GLBTQ folks having the same rights they do.

Let's leave gay marriage out of this for a moment, and focus on the legal rights cos when people combine the two issues, it confuses it and makes it into a screaming match.

Legal rights. As in tax status. As in inheritance and all parts of probate. As in being at one's side if one is in intensive care. As in being able to adopt children.

Those rights are rights that heterosexual people have without a second's thought. Filing taxes with your spouse? No biggie. Check 'married' and 'Head of Household' (if appropriate). Did your wife or husband just die? I'm sorry...but here's the will and here's what you were bequested. Oh, my gosh! Your mate is in intensive care and might not make it through? By all means, please...sit right next to them and I hope it's OK. Can't have children but want to adopt? Let's start that paperwork and make that a reality.

Wow. That was really easy to type out because it's THAT easy, *legally*. It's all in the laws.

If a gay couple wants the same rights...let's see. Tax status? Well, no. Because gay people can't count themselves as a married couple (example of tax only, folks, not advocating gay marriage right now, thanks). Death of companion? Well, if your will is watertight and you've spent a LOT of money making sure it's that way AND it's not contested by people who thought your relationship was a sin, well, cool. Otherwise, good luck. And how many horror stories have we heard of gay partners who are sitting, heartbroken and devastated, barred from being able to be by their partner's side at the hospital while other people tell them that they're not welcome. Not welcome? After 10, 15, 25 years of being together? And as for adopting children, well, we all KNOW that gay people only want to corrupt children to their "gay agenda" and most of them are pedophiles, so there is NO way *that's* going to happen.

Sheesh. I'm exhausted. And sad.

So let's get back to the homophobe thing, ok? It's perfectly OK to be a homophobe. That is anyone's right. You don't have to like GLBTQ folks. Don't have to broaden your horizons. It's a shame, really. Most people are homophobic because they don't KNOW GLBTQ folks. And I'm not talking about someone at work. Or someone as an acquaintance. I'm talking about know as, well, almost family. But OK. Ignorance is bliss and sometimes, that's all people can handle *at that time*.

But the moment you take WHO you are and DO something to enforce that homophobia?

Yeah, that's when I call you on it.

And that's what I was doing.

It seems, though, that I used the wrong wording...or maybe not.

See, I used the word, 'outraged.' Maybe the word was too extremist? Maybe the word made people uncomfortable? It's OK to be outraged and not be....I dunno, waving one's arms around and frothing at the mouth?

Maybe I should have used dislike. Or concerned. Or uncomfortable. But you see, those are *safe* words. I'm "concerned" about this. I'm "uncomfortable" with those actions. Safe words because God forbid I rock the boat and say what I really think, which is this deep burning RAGE.

Yeah, I used the right word. For me. Should I have quantified it? Nah. My tweet, my wording....ya'll don't have to agree with it. But don't dilute it.

Back to prejudice. I AM prejudiced. I'm prejudiced against unequal treatment. I'm prejudiced against racism and homophobia and sexism. If one of these people tells me to my face that I'm prejudiced, I'd say, 'yup. Just like you.'

Here's the thing, mon chats. It's easy for me to sit down, shut up, and not well, say a peep. *grin* It's easy for me to let people say what they want and to spout off on ignorance and hate. Sure, I can stay quiet.

But I won't. I *can't*. It's not fair. It's not right. It's NOT equal treatment.

I can't be friends with GLBTQ people, people who've sheltered me in the worst of storms, and then remain quiet while other people DO actions that will restrict or deny them the same rights everyone else receives, and they don't because of sexual orientation.

Sexual orientation is a label, just like everything else. That and a position in the Kama Sutra (ahem). But that's all it should be and even the labeling gets old, right?

Straight, bi, gay, lesbian, queer, transsexual, transgender...who cares? We all have the right to equal treatment under law. We all have the right to live our lives in pursuit of life, liberty, and happiness.

So when I wrote my tweets, it was to make people *aware* of the *outrage* of actions that should, just like the old segregation laws and the Jim Crow laws, be put far, far into the past.

Sides, I'd much rather know someone is a homophobe than not. A person who is honest about their prejudices is someone I can respect for their honesty. I don't have to like their homophobia, and they sure as heck don't have to like my queer Lovin' ass (ahem) but so it goes.


In the end, let's change the laws to reflect equality for all. People will come to grips with it. People might even change their own viewpoints. The GLBTQ issues are this time's Civil Rights Movement. I'd like to see DOMA and all other laws that discriminate against GLBTQ made unconstitutional. Time will tell with everything else.


K.