Anger Issues & Such Indelicacies...

Well, now.

For those who know me fairly well, I am, shall we say, an intense person. It's taken me some time to learn how to ease back on the throttle and to learn how to say what I want to say with more conciseness.

My writing style is less Ernest Hemingway and more Mark Twain--and that's fine by me. I like a good yarn and if I write in a way that is welcoming and engaging to people, that's pretty awesome.

I tend to forget the folksy style, however, and Hemingway my writing (there, I just created a new writing phrase, y'all) when it comes to social justice issues. I won't beat around the bush and I won't dilute what I'm saying out of fear of offending people.

This is bombastic, bold, forward, whatever you wish to call it and I agree. I can come across as pushy, arrogant, straight talking, whatever else, both positive and negative. And given to misinterpretation or misunderstandings.

Here's something to chew on: If you have a problem with me or think I'm, oh, a man-hater or am always angry or something like that, come talk to me about it. And after you get done pushing your POV on me, fair's fair. Like I tell my sons, they get one shot at you and they better make it count cos otherwise, they're gonna either wish they never fucked with you or they're going to learn a bitter lesson.

Bring it, I say. And here's my response back. Now that I've heard from various sources that I'm too much & too angry & too focused on this 'rape stuff' and this 'queer stuff', it's my turn.

You're right. I'm angry. And I'm focused. Absolutely. But with that being said, as a person who sees the daily bullshit in mass media and in our culture, a little anger is a logical reaction.

See, I'm not a man hater. But I do loathe men who carry on with the patriarchal bullshit and misogyny.

But I'm also not crazy about women who buy into the patriarchal bullshit and misogyny and parrot that shit.

Scratch that, I'm not crazy about PEOPLE, period who carry on with that. People who are rape apologists. People who are transphobic and homophobic and biphobic and well, phobic, period. In regards to people who are seen as 'deviants'.

Hey, if you aren't crazy about bugs and heights, I totally am on that band wagon. But I digress.

I've learned in sociology and anthropology that deviancy is anything that's outside the norm and anything that's outside the norm is subjective. I've also learned that just cos I know that fancy explanation doesn't help my heart any when I'm called a 'freak' or 'bitch' cos I'm open about my own deviancies.

I'm angry because people are being victimized, bullied, beaten, raped, and *murdered* cos some asshat with no concept of open mindedness decides to make like some Dystopian vigilante and dispense their idea of justice.

I'm angry because people continue to carry elitist, classicist attitudes and refuse to consider intersectionality when it comes to being an activist and/or advocate.

I'm angry because when I tell people, this is an example of all that bullshit, it's my fault for bringing it up. Yeah, that's awesome. Blame the person for having the guts in the first place to say, 'look....this isn't cool and this is why.'

Nice. And I'm angry because I like to think that my friends are the ones who will back me up. Everyone else might troll me or call me names but my friends will go, 'We dig it.'

No, not so much...at least, not with some of them and at that point, are we really friends? Cos, bluntly, I'm beginning to wonder.

Here's the thing, lads.

It *hurts* to see this shit every day. It hurts to read my twitter feed and see examples of how people can hurt each other in horrific ways. It breaks my heart to talk to people who feel as though they're worthless & there's nobody who loves them for who they are. I cry when I read comments that blame the survivor, that encourage the hurtfulness to go on...I've been known to curl up into a small ball under my electric blankie and bawl my eyes out, just so I can let those feelings out.

And so you ask, why do it, then? Why be an advocate? Why be such an outspoken activist? Why put that target on your back?

And I can give you names. I can give you the names of the young who've been bullied and have died of suicide. I can give you the names of activists in Africa who died fighting for equal rights and the damn right to live as a queer person. I can give you names of rape survivors and people living with mental illness and people who hate themselves cos they aren't 'normal.'

I can list the people of colour who have stood up and stood for equality and human dignity. Some have been murdered for it. Others still fight the good fight.

I am honoured to be an activist. I will never lose the wonder of being introduced as an advocate for people living with mental illness. I will never not feel that shiver down my spine when people talk to me and tell me I've changed their life.

I am humbled by peoples' trust. I am astounded by the allies I've come across and the conversations we've had and how we're all linked together in the Good Fight. Me. I'm part of that. I am...there are no words.

So.

Before you assume I hate men. Before you assume I'm always this Walking Pillar of Anger & Scorch the Earth.

Nah. Yeah, I get angry. Yeah, I'm going to get passionate and intense when I talk about these issues. So does everyone else when it comes to something they really like.

But I do this not out of anger but out of this...this fierce hope and this tenderness and this Love that supercedes fear and loneliness and ostracism. I've seen progress and I've seen people open themselves to different ways of thinking and different lives than theirs and I've seen people who've felt as though they had nobody who would be there for them find out differently.

And then, I cry for another reason...for the awesomeness and the gratitude and the feeling of connection that wipe out, for that time, all that ugliness and hurt and we look at each other as we should: fellow human beings on this journey called life.

So, OK. That's what I have to say to all of you who assume you know me so well. Hopefully this helps.

I'm making no apologies for being who I am and doing what I'm doing. Don't mistake this as one; that would be unwise.

When all is said and done, I'll take my anger and be judicious with its use. I'll fuel my advocacy and activism with the outrage I feel when I read about injustices. I'll keep reading and learning so as to truly be open to all types of intersectionality. I will continue to blog, continue to share links, continue to let people have the opportunity to challenge their own preconceived notions.

Come on, join me...it is one hell of a journey but in the end...it's worth everything.