This wasn't the blog post I was going to write. But I think it's important.
In South Africa, there recently was a meeting of government officials and other people to discuss "corrective rape." Yes, I didn't write that wrong.
For those of you not in the know, corrective rape is when a lesbian is raped by a man or men (!!!) to "change" her to becoming heterosexual. I kid you not.
This has been going on for YEARS and until only recently has received the international attention it should have and now the government is going, please stop barraging us with petitions to stop this and we'll do something about it.
I am, grimly, pleased. Stop petitioning for this awful crime to cease? Sure 'nuff. When the government stops the actions legally. When the women who have been raped are provided free medical and psychological care. When these men are put behind bars for their actions.
Rape is a controlling device. Nothing more, and certainly nothing less. It's not sex. It's not seduction. It's certainly not something done to let a woman (or man) know that they're desireable.
Rape hurts. It physically hurts. It psychologically hurts. The damage can go on for years. The body heals. The mind, on the other hand, takes time and sometimes, it never does heal. PTSD is a bitch.
I know these things because I've been raped. I've been raped more than once and I've been raped by men I thought I could trust--boyfriends and friends. I've been sexually assaulted too but that's a whole different kettle of fish. It was thisclose to rape but I managed to avoid actual penetration. Everything else was up for grabs, shall we say.
A while ago now, there was a person on Etsy who had designed a card which was supposed to be funny. Except the picture on the front wasn't so funny. It was a photo of a woman sitting in a shower, nude. Her eyes were blank. Her position was as fetal as one could get, for sitting in a shower. The point of the card? "Congratulations! You've been bad touched."
Yeah....that...triggered the hell out of me. See, after a woman has been raped, she's not to take a shower. That destroys evidence, see. I knew that. So even though I wanted to take a shower, I didn't. I waited. Waited for seven HOURS because I wanted my boyfriend at the time to be there when the police came so I waited with my rapist's smell on me and his semen inside of me. I felt....well, I wanted a shower so badly but I wanted this man to be nailed to the wall. So I waited.
Afterwards, I got into the shower. I may have sat down in it. I know I scrubbed myself obsessively clean. I know I cried. I hurt. I hurt so badly.
A person can logically point out to me that the person who made this card has rights under the First Amendment. This is correct. A person can point out to me that I don't have to buy this card. This is also correct. A person can also say that I shouldn't let this affect me as it did and at that point, I am going to tell said person to take a long walk off a short pier. (I'm being nice).
Every rape I endured, I told myself I'd get through it. I'd survive and go on. Every rape I recovered from, I told myself that I am not at fault for it. I didn't ask for it. I sure in hell didn't deserve it.
And I am a survivor. I'm an advocate. I'm here for other women and men who have gone through this kind of hurt and hell and I can tell them that it is OK. That they're not worthless and they're not objects and they have the goddamn right to be as angry and sad and whatever else emotion they feel and they have the fecking right to tell others, this is NOT OK.
I, of course, signed the petition for the leaders of South Africa. I signed the petition for Etsy to stop the making of this card, First Amendment rights be damned.
It needs to start with one. One person who will be vocal and will not stop until their voice is heard.
My hats are off to the brave women of South Africa who brought this to our attention. My hats are off to the men and women who are there for rape victims and who work to make sure that the rape culture that pervades our society and the world is pushed back, is slowly eliminated.
These are signs of hope. I hope one day that it doesn't matter what the circumstances are. Rape is rape. And people who respond to that for what it is.
K.
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