Gratitude

I need to give credit where credit is due.

There are times when I find it hard to function. The Darkness has a hold of me and I can't think and it just *hurts* and I hold on the best I can.

During those times, my Awesome Guy takes care of me. He makes sure I eat. (when I have the appetite to eat). He makes sure I am feeling safe, especially because I most often don't during those times. He protects me and comforts me and when I cry, he holds me.

He stands in front of anything that could hurt me and allows me the time I need to mend myself, to heal the hurts deep inside.

It is a precious gift and one that is pretty impossible to pay back.

When I'm feeling well again, I return the favour as best I can. I think he's pretty Awesome in all ways and I'm not shy about telling him or anyone else. I think he's pretty wonderful and I'm pretty lucky. I'll say that to anyone who will listen.

It's hard being the person who holds things together. I've been in that situation and while Rome is burning, there's no time for fiddling.

All the while, I'm watching the person I Love hurt and it's agonizing.

But.

It's important for me to let them heal, it's important for me to let them do their work. Becoming a healthy, whole person is a ginormous task in and of itself and it must be done by the person who is working towards it. I can't do it for that person.

But I can be there for this person and hold the one candle in the Darkness. I'm here as a beacon.

And this is what my Awesome Guy does for me. He knows I fight as hard as I can to find my way back to him. He holds that candle and I find my way back, even though I feel lost and sick at heart...I know if I reach towards him, I'll find my way.

Thank you for being the light in the Dark. I know it's hard, sometimes. I know it can be frustrating and sometimes resentment and anger can build up, too. That's understandable.

But you've never given up on me, even when I'm about ready to give up on myself. You've told me I'm beautiful and wonderful and everything you've ever wanted, when I feel ugly and pathetic and worthless.

To all of you who watch over and take care of your hurting Loved ones...thank you. You are a light in the dark, a blazing beacon when the Dark threatens to overwhelm.

Thank you.

K.