A little update about my life.
School went extremely well. I ended up with 3 A's and one B. I was deliriously happy. If I had any doubts that I couldn't go to school, after not being in school for 20 years, this erased them. Me, with almost a 4.0 GPA. Look at that!
I am pushing on through with summer school. I will take Spanish I and II. I have plans.
In other news, I took a deep breath, and jumped off the deep end. I am still trying to touch the bottom.
On Facebook (where else? heh), I read about an event called the SlutWalk. Really? I read the article covering it, and thought...I want to be part of this.
After mulling it over, and then putting out an initial inquiry amongst friends to see if they'd like to organize it with me, I thought, hell with it, looked up the original website, and contacted the original city, Toronto, to apply as a Satellite city. I wanted our fine metro area to have our own SlutWalk, and I wanted to link it to the ones going on in sister cities all over the United States.
After getting the green light, I asked some people I knew to help me get this off the ground. And, we're making it happen!
I've discovered that I can push myself far more than I ever thought. The very topic of sexual assault/rape resonates with me, deeply. Because I've been through multiple rapes and sexual assaults, I am aware of the effect it has on a person's physical, mental, and emotional senses. It has been 17 years since the last time I was raped, but if I go through certain triggers, those years are like nothing, and I'm in that headspace again.
I have been triggered, somewhat, from the research I've done for this SlutWalk. The blog posts I've written have been pulled from deep inside of me. I'm not going to pull punches, nor am I going to compartmentalize myself. I'm going to be careful, of course...I need to stay healthy to do this, but I'm not going to say, 'oh, I can't relate to this because it might hurt too much.'
Hell, *breathing* can hurt too much, sometimes. I get over it, although it might take me longer.
So why do I do this?
Because it's needed. Because what I want to address (I'm focusing on ME, here, cos this is my personal blog, not the one I contribute in) is the bullshit of the blame the victim mentality. I want to call out the jackass behavior of the rape culture believers. The men who defend it, and the women who have fallen for it (although, I wouldn't call them jackasses, they're being victimized *twice*).
Most men don't like being called jackasses. I'm not particularly fond of being called a jackass, but if I'm buying into something or defending something that is illogical, hurtful, and what I call "ist-ist" i.e. racist, sexist, and homophobic (OK, I should expand that to ic-ist as well), then I need to be called on it.
If anyone is defending ANY part of blame the victim for a rape/sexual assault, they're being a jackass.
Are there such things as an ignorant jackass? Yup. I've been one. It's taken some reading (as well as some wincing), for me to go, wow. I'm a jackass.
As for my women friends who have bought into the patriarchal bullshit hook, line, and sinker, it's time to swim away from the bait. You are NOT responsible for what happened to you. Period.
The idea that a person is asked what they're wearing when they're the victim of such a horrific crime is beyond my ability to comprehend. Do we ask what people are wearing if they're robbed? Or if their identity has been stolen over the internet? No. Because that's just ten different ways of stupid. So why do we ask what a person is wearing when they've been sexually assaulted/raped?
And don't even get me going on Ben Stein's pathetic remarks. So if a maid has stolen your things and whatnot, another maid deserved to be raped? So because she didn't cry out or make a scene, she's lying about what happened to her?
What fucking universe do you live on? Oh, right. The Patriarchal one, where the Man Rules.
All I'm going to say on this is that I'd rather listen to Charlie Sheen go on about his own cracked self, than listen to this man and men like him, go on and try to erase the very essence of this woman.
Try being the operative word.
and then we have the people coming out saying that the SlutWalks are made of white privilege and supremacy and all that. Excuse me? I wrote about it...politely...in the SlutWalk blog, but this is my personal space, so I'm going to be a little more...blunt.
Walk away from the self righteous kool-aid, folks. I'm sure you're all enjoying beating your breast over another slight against People of Colour, but I'm going to call you on "kettle pot black" (no pun intended).
In every article I've read, it's WE. WE as people of colour are....WE are not going to...WE...ummm...you speaking for ALL of us? Because, see, you're doing the *same thing* that you're accusing the organizers of the SlutWalks doing.
*I* am NOT *WE*. Do NOT presume to speak for me. Do NOT tell me I'm "currying favour" for the white people. Do NOT say that I don't "get it" and that I am a "tool of the white people."
There's a tool here, all right, but it's not me.
There are salient points in the articles, of course, and that's what I look for. Include the silent people in the community. Ask, do not presume (ahem) what is best in representation. Make sure that not only dressing how one wishes is stressed, but also bucking against the Rape Culture, kicking the shit out of Victim Blaming, fostering Inclusivity, and making people stand up, take notice, PAY ATTENTION, and *think*.
The problem is that the SlutWalks were started to address a few key issues, and then it's like, nooooo...you HAVE to say *this* and *that* and...and....ALL THE THINGS!!! And if I say, wait...I can address only this part and this part *right now*, I'm being labeled as being a traitor to People of Colour and I'm dancing to the White People's tune and and...
Wow. Talk about divisiveness. That sort of bullshit isn't going to foster anything but resentment, anger, and hurt. How about saying, 'OK. This is a great start. Now, can we also put this and this into the mix as time passes....'
Gah.
But that isn't why I'm doing the SlutWalk, isn't why I'm organizing it, isn't why I'm willing to stand on the front lines.
I don't want another friend sexually assaulted/raped, and blamed for it.
I don't want another friend to go to the police and be told that what they're saying is a *lie*.
I don't want another friend to be afraid to report it, because s/he doesn't think s/he will be believed.
I want people to reject the Rape Culture.
I want people to not buy into the Blame the Victim mentality.
I want people to see that ALL races are vulnerable to sexual assault/rape, and some more than others.
I want people to not dismiss others as invisible. They cannot close their eyes to the fact that the sex trade happens in their own cities. They cannot close their eyes to the fact that prostitution and working in the sex industry makes a person extremely vulnerable to sexual assault/rape.
I want a Change, mon chats. And I'm not going to pretty it up and package it for easy consumption. This is something that's hard to swallow, that has people uncomfortable, and it sits in the gut like a rock. Good.
Tell you what....being raped isn't exactly a pretty experience. And it sits in the gut for a long time.
So to my friends who I've called jackasses...well, there it is. I'm sure you'll call me a jackass back. So it goes. I have not been known for my subtlety, and when it comes to this sort of thing, the stakes are too high to coddle your feelings.
I imagine there are some issues on which I'm a total jackass, too. I'm sure people will point them out to me. I'll research, I'll learn, I'll concede to ignorance...and change my position.
But. Do me a favour. Do the same. Read. Learn. Think.
And Change.
Sexual assault/rape is NEVER the victim's fault. Period.
K.
